On The Wrong Side Of 25!

Mission Impossible LIV - The Game Got A Lil More Interesting

2012-01-22T16:53:00.000+05:30

These aren't the kind of updates that will make life easy for me. Playing fair is besides the point here, the intent is to lose weight and while I am at it, might as well give it all! I've realized over the last 3 weeks that I keep losing and gaining the same weight. In fact, every time I go on a diet or start exercising, I lose the first 1 or 2 kgs easier than I lose my keys (which is almost never!). If each of my attempts had only added to the weight reduced without the subsequent weight gained, I would not have had to go to such extremes! This attempt has been no different so far!

I lost 2.8 kgs,

gained 1.3 kgs,

and lost 200 gms again with a net loss of 1.6 kgs!

All in a matter of 15 days!

Add another 7 days and 300 grams and where do I stand today?

Back at a net loss of 1.3 kg!

Now does that mean I lose 300 grams+700, take the tally to 2.3 kgs and keep my heels, or, actually reduce 300+1000 grams else lose my heels?

I can't keep losing and gaining the same 1 kg and calling it a weight loss mission! I also need to stop using so many exclamatory marks! It's like I am always super excited, which I am not...that takes a lot of energy which I can scarce afford!

So, here come the updated rules to clamp down on weight gain in the first week of the fortnight (Should also stop using 'here come').

Each 100 grams weight gain in a fortnight = Rs. 250/- gift voucher for an Indian site/brand selling shoes online.

I won't be checking my weight everyday though, only at the end of the first week in the fortnight.

Q. How do I pick the winner of the voucher?

A. Through comments.

Q. How?

A. If I do end up gaining weight after a week, I will, as is my wont, update the blog over the weekend. In order to win the voucher (for whatever value), you need to leave comments on that post about anything under the sun as long as its not about how much you love shoes and why you need to win the voucher. I don't care about that. Entertain me, the best comment wins. Keep it short, unless your long winding comment is hilarious from start to finish. At the end of your comment, mention the words - "You'll never lose weight" - so I can tell apart the comments not gunning for the voucher.

Rules applicable next week onwards.

Choosing the site is at my discretion but if I am in love with your comment, I might allow you to choose a site of your liking. It will have to be an Indian site. Why? The Indian e - commerce scene is booming and I am doing my bit to promote it. The better it gets, the better brands we get. Simple!

Like the updated rules? I play fair, don't I?

Mission Impossible CCLXXIV - Doomed?

2012-01-15T22:12:00.000+05:30

When I embarked on this mission I had not the faintest idea it would pique so many people's interest. The mission garnered some unexpected reactions whilst the heels grabbed a lot of eyeballs and might I add, have a lot of fingers crossed.

Ladles and Jellyspoons,

Kindly uncross your fingers and breathe a sigh of despair for I get to keep my heels this time! Here comes the first Hurrah!!!

1600 grams(1.6 kg) reduced this fortnight.

Time for some FAQs (mostly in my head)

How did I do it?

Read the previous post.

Why should the readers believe me?

Well I don't cheat! Ask a certain Vignesh Anand. Plus, I am doing this to lose my weight, not my neighbours'. I'll only be deceiving myself if I lied!

Why should I keep reading this rubbish now that I know you might actually be successful in your mission while I get not a pair of heels to show for all the time spent here?

Ah! Dear Shoe Lover! At the cost of repeating myself, let me kindly point you to my previous post. See, twas by fluke! Let's see what happens now.

What's next?

A sexier pair of heels. You can cross your fingers again!

Here's comes the next pair up for grabs.

Enzo Angiolini Mistle Patent Leather Pump - Dark Red - $100

Status - Brand New!

Bought at Nordstorm for $100 after taxes.

Color - Dark Patent Red

If you are itching to buy this pair right away and can't wait for me to lose it to you, click here.

Here's hoping for some divine intervention again to save the heels. Aameen!

And now for the phunny reactions:

You are so screwed. Only God can save your heels :)) - Kumar
Why did you put that red pair up first. I've been so worried for the last few days. - Ambreen (Lil Sister who wants me to go with the least liked pair next so she can be at peace. We have the same shoe size but she does not wear heels being vertically blessed!)
No! Are you serious? You'll end up losing a lot of pairs! - *Spoken very matter-of-factly!*
A very encouraging post by a blogger friend and ex-colleague Sumitra - read it here.
And the best of course was the comment by Mr. Anonymous I am reposting here:

if(on track) for(3 months)

you - 6kgs

you + one of these! (a Giuseppe Zanotti)

This = ++Motivation

Don't bother guessing who's comment this is. All you need to know is, you'll get it if
you make it!

Good Luck

Man of my words :)

What's a girl to do when offered a pair of Zanotti's for free? Gladly lose weight, what else?

One way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life - Cyril Connolly

Indian Weavers - Sarojini Naidu

2012-01-13T05:00:00.000+05:30

A poem I remember from my school days. I think I it is from my 6th standard English Syllabus. Or may be 5th or 7th. That would be 15 years ago! I don't remember the correct year but here's the poem.

Indian Weavers - Sarojini Naidu

Weavers, weaving at break of day,

Why do you weave a garment so gay?

Blue as the wing of a halcyon wild,

We weave the robes of a new-born child.

Weavers, weaving at fall of night,

Why do you weave a garment so bright?

Like the plumes of a peacock, purple and green,

We weave the marriage-veils of a queen.

Weavers, weaving solemn and still,

What do you weave in the moonlight chill?

White as a feather and white as a cloud,

We weave a dead man's funeral shroud.

Mission Impossible VII - The Fastest Way To Lose Weight

2012-01-08T15:08:00.000+05:30

Eight days into the challenge and how am I faring?

You'll know the answer shortly but before that let me address the topic of the post. How many of you are dying to know what is the fastest way to lose weight?

A while back, a colleague and friend of mine, a real gentleman as it happens, lost oodles of weight in a very short time. Ever the gentleman this one, parted with his secret without much prodding.

The fastest way to lose weight is not by targeting your fat, target your immune system instead!

A simple POA:

1. Eat Pani Puri, Ice Golas (Or any other fast food that isn't cooked properly leaving the germs intact!) at a roadside joint, preferably dirty.

2. Fall sick.

3. Lose 15kg in 20 days!

Q.E.D!

This advice was god sent. It solved the eternal conundrum I was facing in my battle for weightloss. I love food and hate exercise, which left me with as many as zero options to tackle the issue. Taking my colleague's words to heart, I concentrated all my energies into falling sick! Although I am not much of a chaat lover or a road side eater, I did my best to eat at every shady snacks cart I could find. Drank in gallons of Jal Zeera and Nimbu Pani. But alas! I guess I was born with a rock solid immune system! Guess because it's very selective in using its defenses against something as silly as the common cold. Not only did I never fall sick, all the extra junk I ate ended up adding to my weight. Lucky you Jaashua! How I hate you for having it so easy!

But how does this little story tie in with Mission Impossible CCLX?

Ever heard the phrase "God helps those who help themselves?"

Well, now that I am finally putting in some serious efforts to shed the flab, I think I had some divine help to get going. I'd been strict with my intake and regular with the exercises until Day 4! That's when I fell sick! Yes I did! The kind of sick with really high body temperature (rarely happens to me) that ensues weightloss! Yes!!! All night I thought, I've been trying so hard for this but when I finally throw in my hat and get with the right plan, this is how it is derailed. Not that I was complaining, I was simply dying to check my weight again. So how much did I lose? Was it enough to save the lovely red suede pumps? The answer is...

YES!

Eat your hearts out people, not only do I save this pair, I can add one half of another pair too to the list of saved heels! I lost 1800 gms in total! Yipppeee was not my first reaction though! Ridiculous as it sounds, I would rather be healthy and do it the right way, I am ready to work my ass off! Being sick is no fun. Not at all. Plus, this is all water loss and muscle mass (if I had any!). And I have a complete week to put it on again as fast as I lost it. Where's the fun in that?

If you are willing to try out Josh's method (It just happened to him, he wasn't trying anything of the sort.) Good Luck to you. May you succeed where I failed. Take my advice though and club it with something you love doing, or things you would hate to part with and lose weight the right way. (Look who's talking!) What say?

In other news specific to heels and Hyderabad, the first sale at Steve Madden India is on. Head to 36 Jubilee Hills to make the most of it. You might catch me there, or not...all I want to do is go back to sleep until Kingdom Come!

As I ramble through life, whatever be my goal, I will unfortunately always keep my eye upon the doughnut and not upon the whole. - Wendy Wasserstein

Mission Impossible XVVI - Saving Red Suede Platform Pumps

2012-01-01T22:46:00.000+05:30

Here comes the first pair to be sacrificed at the altar of stubborn fat!

Red Suede Platform Pumps

This isn't the least liked pair as my previous post would suggest. I began with this because I wanted real motivation to actually go through with this exercise. Starting with a pair I dislike would have been tantamount to postponing the plan by a fortnight. I wouldn't have thought twice about discarding heels not to my liking.

Now, I need all the luck in the world. Red is my favourite color when it comes to heels. And I got this at a bargain price of $18 at Payless in San Bruno! You'll never get a pair this good in under Rs. 1000 in India. Never!

May the heavens and earth conspire and help me save this pair. Aameen!

I keep trying to lose weight...but it keeps finding me! - Unknown

Summer Is Coming and Brings with it Mission Impossible XIX

2012-01-01T20:02:00.000+05:30

Summer this year will be like any other, except that I want to make it special, in more ways than one.

To start with, if I keep blowing up at this rate, I might soon ace the century that's lurking around the corner. Unsavory as it sounds, I really do have no qualms about gorging on the calories from dawn to dusk and beyond. This weighty issue aside, I also turn 28! Surprisingly, my attitude towards being single now has changed radically from when I'd started this blog. The older I grow, the less I want to get hitched. In the famous words of the ad junkies at Mc D, I am loving it! With my birthday, this blog also turns 3...hopefully I shall start posting more regularly, 'hopefully' being the operative word here! I am also set to finish 5 glorious years at Google! In all honesty, I'd never dreamt of joining Google, let alone staying on this long. There were ups and downs all along but it has been a journey like no other and I mean it when I say Google is the best company to work for in the world!

All these things would happen eventually without my inputs. Just dates marking special events. What the hell am I doing to make it special? Well, I had this little project that I wanted to start last year (Yes! I am lazy like that!). Now I have an even better reason to start it, asap!

i. I love heels! Understatement I suppose.
ii. I have a couple of lovely pairs - yes only a couple.
iii. I haven't exactly been wearing them, like, at all! Owing to my weighty issues, all I can now manage to wear are a pair of worn out sneakers! Oh the Horror!!!
iv. I've been reduced to a heel hoarder from a heel sporter!
v. Not an acceptable state of affairs! I have to get back into a pair asap!
vi. And so starts Mission Impossible [insert random number here and let people puzzle it out!]

Objective: Save the heels from a lifeless existence in the shoe rack. Get back to wearing them from dusk to dawn as was the custom!

Key: 1 kg lost = 1 pair saved

POA:

a. Save a pair every fortnight.
b. Update blog regularly with:

weight lost for the fortnight.
pair of heels saved - starting with the ugliest and least liked pairs.
Include pictures.
Wear the pair for a day - might be a little difficult initially but shouldn't be impossible!

What happens if I fail?

I hereby declare that I'll part with every pretty pair of heels I have if I don't save 9 pairs by May 19th 2012. I kid you not, I am a woman of my words.

If you wear the same size as mine, you are about to get lucky. I'll simply gift them to people who please me randomly so get your act together and pray hard that I fail. (Wouldn't require praying that hard, trust me!).

See what I am doing here, nailing three birds with one stone. Four actually!

I am losing weight.
I'll be wearing my heels again and will have a reason to buy more.
Reviving the almost dead blog.
And hone my writing skills.

Of course, knowing as I know myself, this is actually what's going to happen:

I'll hit the ton anyway.
Lose all my heels and the shit loads of money spent in buying them.
This blog is going to be as dead as it was.
I'll console myself with the fact that nobody gives a damn about my writing except me!

Although this exercise is solely for my benefit and the benefit of the few who think its important that I lose weight (and the heels be damned!), feel free to join in the exercise if you have a goal to achieve this summer and have a plan to get there.

What say?

P.S. - I have way more than 9 but there would be only as many fortnights till May 19th. InshaAllah, if things work out well, the project may continue well into the wee months of the year!

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. - Unknown

Reading On The Loo

2011-11-27T21:10:00.001+05:30

The haul this Sunday

(Conscious decision to not start the sentence with 'So') Paid a visit to the Sunday Books Bazaar at Abids today after ages. Why? Because I am reading the remaining few pages of the last unread book I have and it would be really boring to not have anything to read on the loo. Yes I love reading on the loo! A habit I picked up quite young from my very well read father, who, always took newspapers and magazines along for his ahem...business, despite constant disapproval by Mom! Not only is it the best time to read about stuff that makes you think - mostly newspapers and magazines - its also a good way of being a little more productive while you are crapping.

As a kid, sometimes I would get lost in the story at hand and prolong my time in the lavatory. But that was only possible because my father is such a stickler for spacious and squeaky clean toilets; to this day I can't abide a cramped loo! While choosing my PG and flat later, it was always the toilet that would make me decide against renting the place. If I can't read in solitude then I can't stay at the place. Also, on a side not, to this day I can't use the Indian style commode.

Now all you nay sayers out there, the ones shaking their heads in disbelief and disgust, hold on a second. I am not done yet. Before you scoff at this most luxurious of pastimes, know that there's nothing unhealthy about it. All you need to do is wash your hands with soap every time you visit the loo, which is more than a habit with me. A study conducted in 2009 on this not so rare habit proved that there's nothing wrong in spending your time constructively in the loo. You can read more about it here. The study also shed light on how most people are Closet Readers on the Loo, preferring to avoid the *cough* social stigma attached to such a simple activity. Come on people, don't be so anal about it! Come out in the open and let the world know of this most educative of hobbies! May be it will persuade the non - loo readers to give it a try. Everyone should try it at least once to fully experience the fun of indulging in Politics, Economics and Page 3 with a bare ass!

I honed my vocabulary with Time, India Today, Outlook and other weekly magz on the loo. Indulged in Shakespearean comedies, Dickensian tragedies and MnB romances on the loo. I even had the first glimpse of Oscar de la Renta creations while browsing through Time on the loo. My first encounter with Harry Potter - on the loo again! Just about everything goes as long as what you are reading is more interesting than what you are doing. I do strictly avoid carrying books to the loo with any inkling of religious material or stuff I've already read. Both are a big no no. Overtly complicated books are also to be avoided, case in point - The Brothers Karamazov - philosophical dialogues spanning pages - a complete dampener for the activity at hand! Or may be, it simply wasn't written for a 12 year old! How I hate that book - the first one to fly above my head! Eager as I was to lick my way through Baba's books collection, I seldom checked what age group the books were written for, reason why only a few children's books appeal to me. But I digress. Coming back to reading on the loo, do I have any converts yet? Any eager heads thinking about giving it a try? Any enthusiasts already hunting for today's newspaper or whatever readable stuff you can lay your hands on?

Let me know of your experience. And, as always, comments would be more than welcome!

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag. - Adrian Edmondson

Business Fundas - Hindi Movies Style

2011-03-26T10:57:00.000+05:30

This epic dialogue from the movie Yeh Silsila Hai Pyar Ka should teach you how to strike gold in business meetings in under 10 seconds.

Businessman: We won't pay you anything for all your hard work on this project.
Our Hero: What? *Confused - Only a little*
Businessman: We'll make you a partner with us. We'll give you 40% stake in the project.
Our Heroine (Hero's Secretary *Dressed to the nines*): Partnership is only struck amongst equals and its always an equal stakes partnership.
Businessman: Wow! I love the way you've explained this simple logic to us. 50:50 it is!
*Smiles all around*
Hero to Heroine: You are the woman behind my success!
Me - What Chutiyaas! *Changes Channel* - has second thoughts, need to watch more of this epic Chutiyagiri...but...but...but...Power Cut! Dayum!

I Wanna Wanna Wanna Dress Like That!

2011-02-14T23:18:00.000+05:30

Victoria Beckham Fall 2011 New York Fashion Week

With a few tweaks, very few tweaks that is, this could make for the perfect Hijab, classy and chic!

In love! love! love! So badly want!

Image Credit - NYMag

"Be glad that you are greedy; the national economy would collapse if you were not!" - Mignon McLaughlin

To All The Doting Aunts in The World

2011-02-11T19:50:00.000+05:30

Sometimes, when I am just thinking about dinner, about how to squeeze my way out of making it and yet having no desire to eat or order out, it arrives! To my doorstep. Nope. To my room...nope! To my bed, served in a plate, freshly cooked, piping hot and delicious to boot!

How?

I recently moved to a new place. Happens to be my Aunt's - my mother's sister. She lives on the floor below and makes sure I am always well fed and well looked after. And it doesn't stop at that!

When everyone and their neighbors tell me I am getting fatter by the second,
she's always worried that I am losing weight.
Even on a bad hair day, she thinks I look good!
I can't ever do no wrong in her opinion!
Every joke I say is funny,
and every move I make is perfect!
It goes way back to the time I was a toddler,
back when she wasn't a mother yet.
She's loved me as one of her own girls since then
and none of that love has diminished ever.
She still remembers the color of my frock,
the words to the nursery rhymes she'd taught me,
the way I walked, the way I talked,
and she never tires of recounting my stories even now...
even now when I myself am an aunt of two!

Now that I am an aunt too,
I realize what she feels for me.
An aunt like her,
I can only aspire to be.
I bet she never lost her temper when I threw things around as a kid,
like I do with my nephew.
I bet she never tired of cradling me,
putting me to sleep when I would wake up at nights,
seeking her arms.
I bet she pined to be with me,
as much as I pine to be with Nouman.

They say your mother's sister
is the next best thing to your mother.
I can vouch for it for it is so true!
And truly blessed I am for my mother has three sisters!
I know a lot of people,
I can stand very few,
fewer still I like!
and have more digits on my limbs than the people I truly love!
Rarely do I acknowledge that,
so here it is, because I haven't ever told you...
I always have and will love you!

Sometimes, when I walk alone, I know I am not alone...for I know her blessings are always walking with me, just like my blessings shall always walk with Nouman, through and through! Aameen!

People don't love you coz you are special, you are special coz some people love you, unconditionally!

Why do we haggle with autorickshaw drivers?

2010-08-22T15:57:00.000+05:30

Branded Heels - Nk+ Check

Branded Bag - Nk+ Check

Branded Glares - Nk+ Check

Branded Perfume - Nk+ Check

Etc, etc, add up to N to the power of Nk!

Autorickshaw rent from point A to point B - X Bucks

Autorickshaw driver demands - 2X Bucks

2X < 1/2(1/2(1/2(1/2(1/n of Nk)))))

And yet I,

lose my temper
prefer standing in the sun - which triggers migraine and costs me a night's sleep, a day's work and blinding pain despite pain killers
miss a good 10 minutes of most movies
waste precious time pondering over ideas to combat the menace
do a zillion other things not worth 2X bucks at all!

Its not like these guys are billionaires ripping you off unlike some biz tycoons. In fact, what I would end up paying extra for a month would be less than the amount I usually blow up on a typical weekend outing. And yet it causes me so much anguish!

Is it because I am stingy? Nope, definitely not.

It is because the idea of being shortchanged, of being fleeced, is not very appeasing. Especially when you know for a fact that you are being taken for a ride...literally and figuratively!

Someone has to take the highroad here. And so, I've decided to take my mother's advice and make my peace with the autorickshaw drivers' fraternity forever. No autorickshaw driver shall ever make my blood curdle...again!

Unless...plan B falls into place. The day I own a gun, these people are so done!

Auto-drivers are living proof that practice does not make a man perfect.

What's Sadder...The Video or The Comments?

2010-01-26T23:04:00.000+05:30

Just saw this really sad and touching video on Youtube.

And then, as usual I headed to the comments. Oh the horror and apathy! Such indifference and ignorance! How human are we? The Indians discussing bhaji and ghee are especially pathetic...made me violently sick and I mean literally!

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

Songs Of Yore - Big Rock Candy Mountain

2010-01-25T10:24:00.000+05:30

Big Rock Candy Mountain

One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fire was burning
Down the track came a hobo hiking and he said boys I'm not turning
I'm headin for a land that's far away beside the crystal fountains
So come with me we'll go and see the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains all the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth and the hens lay soft boiled eggs
The farmer's trees are full of fruit and the barns are full of hay
Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains you never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol come a-trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats and the railroad bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew and of whiskey too
You can paddle all around 'em in a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains the jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in
There ain't no short handled shovels, no axes saws or picks
I'm a goin to stay where you sleep all day
Where they hung the jerk that invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

I'll see you all this coming fall in the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

Harry McClintock

Poems I Love - Invictus

2010-01-24T20:15:00.000+05:30

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Willian Earnest Henley

Movies and More...Movies

2010-01-22T00:38:00.000+05:30

Can't believe I haven't blogged for over a month now. Saw a couple of movies, good, bad, ugly, lame and bleh!

I think I shall stop watching all Priyanka Chopra movies now on and put her in the same cateogry as Akshay Kumar...shouldn't touch his movies with a barge pole! Pyaar Impossible was one of the worst movies I've ever seen...thankfully I saw a pirated version...makes me feel better about wasting that time. Rocket Singh was Boring (note the capital B?)! I know all you cry babies out there think it was awesome and all but come on...would you read Harry Potter if Karan Johar wrote it? I wouldn't and this director honestly put me to sleep. As for New Moon, by the time I left the mall I had forgotten all about it. Invictus was very very very inspiring...the poem not the movie which by the way was alright. Avatar sucks in 2D, came out with a headache, but I am still going to watch the 3D! Have to hand it to Cameron for his vision. Paranormal Activity was mostly a series of inactivities...watch it while you are busy doing something else. The best of the lot however was 3 Idiots...hadn't seen this good a comedy in a long long time and thoroughly enjoyed it. Plan to watch it again. I guess I am forgetting a few which obviously means they were worse than the ones mentioned above.

And oh...special mention...London Dreams...I couldn't watch it for more than 40 seconds...Honest Injun!

A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.

P.S. - Go team Jacob and Amir! Pattinson looks anemic and Chetan Bhagat's book sucks!

Paa - Review

2009-12-10T22:43:00.000+05:30

Someone please do me a favor and shoot Jaya Bachchan. And while you are at it, shoot Abhishek - the oaf who can't act to save his life - Bachchan too. Doing in wifey Aishwarya wouldn't hurt either. I know she is not there in the movie but just shoot her on principle man!
Paa is no Chini Kam...that was a nice movie with good actors. The only saving grace of Paa is Vidhya Balan. Although I am not really fond of her (how on earth does the cow manage to look so thin?) I must say she beats the Bachchan kid hollow in the acting department. Also worth mentioning is the 'Bum' character along with the rest of her body who has put in a decent performance.
Amitabh as Auro is full of witty one liners but make no mistakes. These are far and few in between with heavy doses of Abhishek's insufferable and utterly silly take on politics making up the rest of the movie!
Watch the clips on Youtube instead! And while you are at it...don't forget to check out the comments ;)
I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle. - Alfred Hitchcock

Youtube Gems

2009-12-10T22:12:00.000+05:30

A couple of years back, when Larry and Sergey were still working out of a garage, I was addicted to the Cathode Ray Tube! Like all sane people I could watch 25 channels in 30 mins and never tired of it. Offlate though, what with the job and all...I am addicted to Youtube. And not just because its awesome (which it undoubtedly is!) but because there's something on Youtube that TV Channels are only now catching up to...the comments! O how I love them! They are pearls of stupidity threaded with the finest filth! I am not complaining though, they make my day, every single day! Just check out any Hindi or Pakistani song and you'll be hooked.

Even the most hated of stuff becomes bearable thanks to the comments. I even make it a point to watch stuff like Bigboss (which I wouldn't ever watch otherwise!) coz the stuff people say makes it totally worth watching. The more unpopular a program the better the comments. The best ones though are the threads where the opinions are divided. Like MJ songs, Atif Aslam songs, cute kids videos, etc. There's a cool College Humor vid on the state of comments online, check it out here.

And here are the gems of the day:
I dont know guys that U might believe it or not but after watching this Movie I changed my name to RAHUL & its 15 years now & everyone knows me by this Name , I love this Movie so much - On the movie Darr and the jackass hasn't even got Rahul in his handle!

This song defines my childhood! - Jaadu Teri Nazar?!?!?!?! Really?

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -Brooke Shields

Aath Hazaar Paanch Sau Painthees Rupiye Unthis Paise!

2009-12-05T19:42:00.000+05:30

This is my favourite scene from one of the best commedies made in India...Amir is a delight to watch!

The Kachcha Khiladi Scene from Andaz Apna Apna.

The Rs. 8535.29 makes me crack up with laughter every single time! Everything from the background score to their clothes just adds up to the comic value of the scene. Also checkout Amir's 'Jhakkaas' in the final scenes here. Have to mention Shakti Kapoor's Dhakki Tiki too...awesome movie! If you haven't already, go watch it right away!

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

Long Weekend...Long Woes :(

2009-11-23T22:03:00.000+05:30

Still waiting for that healthy tomorrow! I am fed up of coughing...God I need relief!

Not helping me get there was the long and sad weekend.

Spent 700 bucks on the worthless 'Lost Symbol,' should've bought one more copy of HP 7 instead! The book reads like a sermon, is repetitive, and such a let down in the end...Langdon might have accepted after a lot of thinking/soul searching that spans a couple of pages, what the lost symbol is, I found it very difficult to believe it cost me 700 bucks! No prizes for guessing who's Dan Brown's favorite Scientist. Also, this looks like an attempt to extend an olive branch to the Church. No one's buying it Mr. Brown, you still sound unconvinced/confused about the Bible's Teachings! (No offence intended to anyone)

Everytime I make a plan to watch movies all day, all the movies suck! Kurbaan is shit. So many things about it that make it not worth a watch...I can understand Kareena's closeup shots but Vivek Oberoi's closeups! He isn't pretty and makes you not want to look at the screen for all the wrong reasons. And the movie makes the FBI look like a bunch of buffoons...watch out for the FBI Officer's hamming...makes you choke...with laughter that is and you just can't sympathize with him despite his 3rd grade acting skills! Watch it only for Kareena's styling. Apart from the clothes and the makeup also note that she wears disgustingly long nails throughout the movie, except in the one scene where it matters the most, where the said nails are in full focus, both her index fingers are missing the talons while the rest of the fingers still sport them. Makes her hand look stubby and yucky. How could they miss it??! Watch Body of Lies instead people, give this one a miss.

Nothing much I can say about 2012. The special effects are edge of the seat and thats about it. The dialogues are such a shame, I wish they had simply run Discovery's documentary on the subject in the background and the special effects in the forefront...that would have been better than the rubbish one has to put up with just for the effects.

And why do people rush in as soon as the doors to the hall open? Alright, you find your seat first and settle in comfortably, and then what happens? Every Tom Dick and Harry tramps on your feet to get to his seat! And they are not even apologetic! No Sir, not at all! They only have gems like ... 'Are you sitting on 24? Where's 23?...Now that's something you were not prepared for...you didn't do your math! If 24 is here where on earth could 23 be? Ah! Got it...it's right there...on that corner...at the bottom! Jackass!!! So if you have common sense...wait. Let the crowd rush in. Then and only then should you enter the hall, tramp on all the available feet, turn back and say sorry to everyone (that irritates them!) and only then get comfy in your seat. Double's the pleasure of watching a movie I swear! ;)

Oh! And while there I also saw a couple of postures of forthcoming movies. One proudly proclaimed 'The great entertainers are back' with Akshay, Katrina, Sunil Shetty and Paresh Rawal on the posture. I guess they forgot to include the great entertainers on the posture or may be they were referring to Monroe and Presley on Akshay's Tee! :D

There were also Paa and Rocket Singh. One's about a physically retarded kid and the other's about a mentally retarded man...and this ones for real judging by his onscreen histrionics so far. (For the slow movers I am talking about the Kapoor Kid)

Twilight was good on the small screen, the makeup for the vampires appeared kind of incomplete, esp under the eyes on the 70mm screen. Heard New Moon is better made, let's see.

Thankfully it's back to office morrow and new work. Yoohooooooo! :) And hopefully morrow shall definitely be a healthier day!

They were so good, I could hardly wait to get out of there.

2012 The Movie Review

2009-11-17T14:18:00.000+05:30

No I haven't watched it yet...I may or may not. But this post is not about that million dollar question, it's only about movie reviews. I love reading good critics who know their business inside out trashing a badly made movie that is otherwise being appreciated by the dunces of the world.

Sample: 2012 Movie Review by Stephen Whitty. You have to have to read this review...its hilarious! Also contrast this review with Masand (the idiot)'s review of the film. (Not linked to here for obvious reasons)

How many of you would still watch the movie?

P.S. - I may do so only for want of a better way to kill time without any effort!

A bad review is even less important than whether it is raining in Patagonia.

Why are my posts stamped with PST?

2009-11-14T22:00:00.000+05:30

It's 10:00 p.m. now.

You know, sometimes, when they say you're ahead of your time, it's just a polite way of saying you have a real bad sense of timing.

Vitamin D and Me

2009-11-14T21:01:00.000+05:30

Haven't blogged in ages...so many things have happened since the last post that I've been overwhelmed! I changed 2 teams, got hooked to facebook apps, discovered the 'Big Bang Theory' and fell in love with it, lost my temper like I hadn't in ages and brought the Mallepally circle to a standstill, my cousin and roomie left and the new ones' here, and I finally visited a real village...after 25 years of being an Indian!

But something very interesting happened today. Got up around elevenish to a cool breeze and a hot sun. Now, in my living memory I haven't really experienced something like this. I was beyond delighted to stand in the sun that was burning my feet and yet the air around me was cool and soothing. An ideal combination for getting that dratted doze of Vitamin D. Pretty soon the cool breeze turned to a chilling cold that froze my very bones. Something didn't quite add up. What was it? Oh! I was running a high temperature and was blissfully unaware of it. Realization finally dawned and I jumped right back into bed. Unfortunately, it was too late. I had no paracetamol tablets, no easy food except Maggie which I didn't wanna make and my roommate had left too. Made me realize what a blessing good health is. May Allah grant good health to all my loved ones and the ones I hate, detest, abhor, dislike and can't stand so I don't feel guilty dissing them! And I really sympathize with people who suffer from bulimia nervosa...vomitting is painful and ugly, especially when you are all alone!

Most importantly, what I learnt today was you aren't out until you've given up in spirit. I picked myself up from the mess, didn't need no help from anybody and here I am, blogging about it while playing Sorority Life/Farmville, following the blogs I love reading and listening to Rafi. What a start to the weekend!

Hopefully tomorrow shall be a better and a healthier day.

P.S - I miss my roomie, the village trip and Jogfalls were nice, I like the new team, I am losing weight, there's a lot of green around these days and mashaAllah I am happy most of the time.

P.P.S - Happy Wedding Anniversary Tamsin and Sumitra. :) (No they aren't married to each other...get your minds outta the gutter!)

P.P.P.S - This is also the longest post I've written!

To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.

Moved the Wish list section to another blog

2009-10-11T22:44:00.000+05:30

Please visit 'the other blog' for wish list updates. :)

Some people develop a wish bone where their back bone should be.

Cool Pick of the Day

2009-09-25T10:04:00.001+05:30

Emilio Pucci's Blue Bean Clutch

Buy it here if you have the dough.

Wowzie!

On an aside, what's not a cool pick...lizards in my room! Someone please lend me some kerosene. No I am not gonna burn the room down, just that it's lethal to lizards, just spray some on one and be rid of it forever! Bet you didn't know this gem of a fact...You are all welcome :)

Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, Lizards,
dirt, cactus, the Bush family...dirt, cactus,
Lizards. - Christopher Titus: The 5th Annual End of the World Tour (2007)

Wish List Update

2009-09-09T12:19:00.000+05:30

Delish! Delish!! Delish!!!
Loubs just got even more desirable...check these out.

Christian Louboutin Satin Bow Kiss-Lock Clutch

Christian Louboutin Cadeau Bow Kiss-Lock Clutch

Need I say more?

God has created us brothers but has given us separate purses.

Image Credits - Neiman Marcus

Eyes a - Hurtin!

2009-09-03T20:30:00.000+05:30

I did not choose this color scheme, just shuffled layout colors and ended up with this!

No time to change now...please bear with me :)

Seek the strongest color effect possible...the content is of no importance.

Contraiiiry...

2009-08-30T20:12:00.000+05:30

If you seek public opinion, ask me and do the opposite! ;)

Public opinion, a vulgar, impertinent, anonymous tyrant who deliberately makes life unpleasant for anyone who is not content to be the average person.

Why Do We Commute By Auto-Rickshaws?

2009-08-17T23:16:00.000+05:30

How come there is never an auto-rickshaw in sight when you desperately need one but always one too many when you don't want any?

Where do all the auto-rickshaws disappear when it rains?

Why is every location either too near or too far in auto-rickshaw miles? Do they have a separate distance measuring system?

How do people end up driving ricks when they do not know their way around the place?

Why do half the ricks have non-working meters?

Hyderabad Auto-Rickshaw Rules:
1. Driver never speaks the language you do.
2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace like Timbuktu, he'll need directions at every turn!
3. Driver hates you.

Pet Peeves!

2009-08-17T23:07:00.000+05:30

"I said you."

Please, for Pete's sake, use told instead! Or you could add the much needed 'to' after the said said.

I don't have pet peeves, I have whole kennels of irritation.

Memories...

2009-08-11T20:39:00.000+05:30

Do you remember the tiiiiiiiime?

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Pet Peeves

2009-08-08T22:04:00.000+05:30

Leaving hair in the comb! If you think it ain't that big a deal check this out! And this one my friends isn't half as offensive and disgusting as the real thing!

Interestingly, I found this image on Wysz' blog! It is the first image result for the query 'dirty comb' on Google. Haha!

Now to address the burning question...Who the heck is Wysz?

Just type in Wysz in your search bar and Google Suggest will guide you to his blog. I found the image in this post where Wysz is trying to be a(h) Burger! While you are there, also check out the video where Wysz mimics Nelson.

The greatest unexplored area lies under your hair.

I am Blogging Today Because...

2009-08-07T18:57:00.000+05:30

I have an exam tomorrow...and in keeping with Murphy's Law I want to do everything I have been avoiding for ages all of a sudden except of course study!

Expect an avalanche of posts now.

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn’t read.

Wish List Update

2009-07-20T00:11:00.000+05:30

Giuseppe Zanotti is my favorite designer when it comes to heels. He needs no Carrie Bradshaw to make him a household name like Manolo Blahnik. Not that Manolo needed any but he got a Bradshaw all the same :)

Totally dig this gladiator heel by Zanotti.

Also love these jewel drop heels in violet and navy...

Left to myself I would buy both colors, after selling an arm and a leg of course!

People with tiny glasses and costly shoes can always find a couple of hours to explain how you did it all wrong.

Photo Credits

The Weekend Was Sad...So Was HP and the HBP!

2009-07-19T23:28:00.000+05:30

Huh!

One of the worst weekends ever, aggravated by the dumbass movie!

Why can't they just stick to the books? Bloody Fucktards!!!

Fan quote - What? Voldemort tried to kill you again, Potter? That evil son of a bitch!

Wish List Update

2009-06-28T22:39:00.000+05:30

How delish are these metallic leather point toe pumps in electric blue by Max Kibardin!

Picture Source

On an aside, having teething trouble...the wisdom teeth better be worth all the pain!

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew.

Lost!

2009-06-27T22:33:00.000+05:30

Have nothing to blog about. (Coz the lady at the grocery store asking me do I have kids does not count!)

On a different note, met some friends after a long time and couldn't spend enough time with them. I want more!

Also, played with Jishnu all day :D

A good weekend after a long time.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

The Pains of Growing Old!

2009-06-19T21:56:00.000+05:30

If I were to blog about mine, I would have a post everyday without fail.

Sigh!

Old Age, a second child, by nature curst
With more and greater evils than the first,
Weak, sickly, full of pains: in ev'ry breath
Railing at life, and yet afraid of death.

Spreading the Cheer

2009-06-18T09:06:00.000+05:30

I like the random people at office, malls, in trains, restaurants, and pretty much everywhere else I've been who smile at me for no reason.

This :) goes out to everyone!

Smile! It irritates people.

P.S. - Thanks Anonymous!

Commitment Issues

2009-06-18T06:42:00.000+05:30

Things that need elaborate planning and total commitment to be brought about execute brilliantly inside my head and then due to all that thinking and executing and improvising and what not, the mental exercise is a bit too much so my brain goes to sleep. The body has no option but to follow suit.

Note to self: Never ever commit to doing stuff that lasts more than 30 minutes!

That only leaves two noteworthy things...cooking and eating. No problemo, I've learnt to love what I get. ;)

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

What the fuck is tha?

2009-06-15T09:34:00.000+05:30

So I ran into this moron who used 'tha' as the shortform for...

Wait for it...

Here it comes...

Thanks!

Awesuck! Thats what it is...who uses tha for thanks!

On an aside...have been listening to 'tha karke' and totally loving it coz I love all sidey, shady, meaningless and cheap shot Hindi songs! ;)

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Discount Sales in the City Suck!

2009-06-13T22:07:00.000+05:30

Ended up buying stuff not included in the sale!

Every sale has five basic obstacles: no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust.

Posted in Public Interest

2009-06-12T19:07:00.000+05:30

I have a genetic defect!

I dislike almost everyone and everything I come across and disagree with almost everything spoken within earshot!

I don't mind the defect but it sure has some fallouts, a major one being the inability of friends and family to figure out what they can gift me...see I find fault with everything! Especially the gifts I receive...crap I tell you!

And this ain't gonna hurt anyone because they already know it. I am accustomed to hearing stuff like

"I know you don't like show pieces and decorative items but..."
"I know you don't like this color but..."
"I just didn't know what to get so..."

Baah! Please gift that stupid stuffed toy in baby shit brown to someone who is as screwed up as that! Excusez moi!!!

What could be a better way of fixing this problem than simply creating a wish-list in the interest of the general public that's dying to please me?

So...here it is. The first few items on my wish list (In no particular order of preference!)

LV Monogram Vernis Cosmetic Pouch in Amarante

Manolo Blahnik Something Blue Satin Pump

~~Dior Pure Poison~~ Bought one for myself! Yay!!!

That's it for now...will keep updating the list ;)

And you are all welcome!

If men are God's gift to women, then God must really love gag gifts.

P.S. - Copying pics from here and pinging them to me is not exactly the same as the real thing.
P.P.S - Printouts/faxes and similar ideas should also be rested. Nothing short of the real thing is going to please me. :)

LVoe LV!

2009-06-12T09:05:00.000+05:30

I always thought I only had a shoe fetish...the bag fetish hit me outta nowhere!

So in love with the Louis Vuitton Monogram Vernis Collection

At $800 and above, way beyond my income though!

Sigh! :(

I want people to have a general impression that my life isn't all diva and fancy and blabbing about Louis Vuitton bags.

This Sucks!

2009-06-02T09:49:00.002+05:30

Me is here and the rest of the family there!

Damn!

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

The First Nephew Has Arrived

2009-06-02T09:15:00.000+05:30

Happy Birthday Mohammed Nouman Toufeeq :)

Happy Birthday Nushie Babes...I know I don't say this enough so here it is - You are really irritating...I am fed up! Twenty two years of you is more than I can take...please tone down the act!

Happy Birthday Mr.Waugh and Mr.Waugh :)

My sister has had a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Are You Happy When You Laugh?

2009-06-01T16:40:00.000+05:30

A friend of mine thinks there is no difference between laughing and being happy. What do you think?

Do you laugh or are happy when someone lets one rip....? ;)

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

P.S. - The said person reacted to this post with a few more gems!

1. at least now i kno how to make u laugh...
2. yea YOU...the one who finds farting funny....maybe u shud start spending time in the loo whenever u r low ... u never know someone might just fart

Platinum, Diamonds and Emeralds!

2009-05-27T22:11:00.000+05:30

Oh to be a bride adorned in those jewels!

Can you guess where I clicked this? Click on the image for a better look.

I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself.

P.S. - If you fancy this and can afford it, you can buy it here.

The Secret to Make Your Recipe Work

2009-05-27T21:35:00.000+05:30

If you want to make anything taste better, just increase the fat content.

The unhealthier you make it, the better it tastes! ;)

Personally I stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

Funny Fact of Life

2009-05-26T21:35:00.000+05:30

When you think you couldn't have done something worse, pat comes the slap on your back telling you what a great job you did!

Wonder if it's coz people peg you very low, have no expectations from you or you peg yourself really high and keep disappointing yourself?

You've no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself - and how little I deserve it.

Haven't Abondoned the Blog Yet!

2009-05-23T12:00:00.000+05:30

Just didn't know what to blog about, now that I am well past 25 (4 days!!!)

And then I came across this. That's Dubai designer Sulafa Filfilan.

Impressive, me likes. Would like to do something like that someday, except that I can't tell one cloth from another!

Fashion is something so hideous that it has to change every six months

Turned 25 Today! :(

2009-05-19T20:59:00.000+05:30

I've finally gifted myself something, a blog to crib about everything!

Under happier circumstances (re:old and golden days when I wasn't 25!) I would have begun my blog with my likes and dislikes à la my friend here, but it doesn't matter anymore!

I am so sad...I hope I don't get to see the day I am 30! Not unless I have a kid in mah lap! D'oh!!!

Age mellows some people; others it makes rotten.